Sunday, June 1, 2008

B.A.G.

Big Ass Glass. . . that's what I make.

At least, that's what I did make. Now, all of a sudden, what I thought was another step in making these big glass sculptures has become in my mind a scary step that I am hesitating to take.

I am sure there is an entire essay playing around in my mind this morning, actually has been playing since yesterday morning. It's an intense one, too, much too involved to just slap it down on the keyboard willy-nilly. Writing is something I do for enjoyment because I love to play with the flow of words and bring you to visit my world, but writing is also a way to organize my thoughts. Today, I am wishing for a bit of quiet, time to put my thoughts down on paper into an outline, just like in English composition classes.

Nothing is wrong. In fact, as I look back on the school year (my first at home working while both kids were in school), I see lots of good things as far as my glass goes. Indeed, my retrospection has been triggered by a very good thing-- a great deal on a used but new-to-me big boy torch. I will have to take you a picture of my Betta, and then show you a picture of the Great White next to it. Bethlehem torches tend to have fish names: Minnow, Betta, Barracuda, Tiger Shark, Great White. When I opened the box from Ron Jr. and Rocio yesterday morning, I was stupefied. I never imagined a torch could be this big! Close your ears if they are sensitive, because I have to tell you the words exploded from my mouth in awe, "Holy. Shit."

"Be careful what you wish for, because you may just get it" is another expression that comes to mind. I've been anxious to have a bigger torch so I could make bigger figures and use more colors, yada, yada, yada. You know what? Now I am scared that I'll never be able to live up to the potential of this torch! In my mind, it seems that I must now start all over. No more making excuses for doing things the way I do "because I have a small torch." No more amazement at my accomplishments "because look what she did with that small torch." All of a sudden, I have realized that I'm trying to swim with the sharks but I am just a minnow of sorts. . .instead of predator, I feel more like bait or lunch.

You know, I'm not complaining about my good fortune, and I'm not bragging. I am thrilled with the Great White. When Ron Jr. was selling the studio torches, he suggested that someone make him an offer on the Great White. It was already priced at about 60% of the cost of a new one, but still out of the budget for me, even with Uncle Sam's $600 contribution. I made an offer of what I could reasonably afford as an investment in a torch that will most probably outlast me, they took the offer, and I am one very lucky girl.

I am one very lucky girl who is feeling quite overwhelmed with all the possibilities that have suddenly opened up in front of me. It's a challenge that I hope I can face with plenty of gusto.

4 comments:

ellen said...

Ange - I hope you get the quiet time you're looking for today but, seriously, I don't think you really need it.
I believe you've already made up your mind. I believe you're going to follow your heart and face the challenge.
You can't NOT grow. Your talent can NOT stand still. It's just not you.
I am soooooooo looking forward to seeing how your creative life evolves.
BTW - I love this new piece. I did one of those "ahhhhh" things when she came up on my screen.

angelinabeadalina said...

You know, you're right. Putting it down "on paper" really solidifies thoughts that have been just floating and twirling around in the brain. By the time I'd finished writing this, I was ready. Thanks for the compliment on the face, too. I love making great big faces to have to put into interesting mixed media kind of pieces. This one has a loop on the back, too, so I see some danglies or wires in her future :)

Lisa Rippee said...

Oh, girlfriend!! I have no doubt whatsoever you will be comfortable with this monster very soon and will create amazing things with it. Like Ellen said, you can't NOT grow into it. :)

angelinabeadalina said...

Thanks, Lisa :) I did get the hose today, but then got sidetracked by the storms. Tomorrow is James' and Kate's combined birthday party, so there problem won't be any torching then. . .I am hoping for Sunday torch time!

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