Saturday, January 10, 2009

Help Me Convince Myself. . .We Create Because We Need to Create, Right?

**Warning-- this is post is not all sunshine and "I'm soooooooooooooo busy and in demand that I can't even stop to go to the bathroom" brags. In other words, if you are truly trying to do the positive Laws of Attraction kind of thing, skip this one and read again another day :) **

Yes, can you help me convince myself that the most important reason we create is because we need to imagine art with our minds and then form it with our hands? I keep preaching that this is the point. I get frustrated beyond belief when creative people pick at each other for no good reason other than that they're afraid someone else making money will prevent them from also making money. I like to think that I create because I need to create, need to express myself. I like to think that I do so without bowing to the pressures of "will this idea sell".
You know what? It ain't working at the moment. The practical, intellectual side of my personality can see the recession and the effect it is having on so many purveyors of "necessary" goods (another clothing chain is closing its doors here, for instance). If people aren't buying as many necessary items, then they sure don't have extra money to be spending on art for the soul. Oh, I can tell you reason upon reason why art is a necessity, but that doesn't make more money magically appear in anyone's budget, does it? I get it, and I don't let that part wound me.
What gets me down is that I do understand, I do think it's going to take a while for the economy to strengthen, and I don't want to waste my resources making uninspired pieces of glass just to say I'm working. If that $40 for an oxygen refill is harder to come by, then why "waste" oxygen melting glass every single day? So, if I understand, then why is it depressing me? I think it's because creativity and activity feed one another. Creativity, when it's really pulsing through your veins, doesn't slow down, doesn't take breaks unless someone outside your bubble of imagination says "hey, do you think we could get a real mom-made meal tonight" and instantly reminds you that you do have other responsibilities in the world. Creativity, at least for me, feeds on activity. . .the more I make, the faster the ideas come. On the other hand, the fewer things I make, the less inclined I am to even start on more. . .creativity slow down.
What next, then? Well, I have to put the torch out of the way for a few days while we take care of other things around the house, so I'm going to let myself enjoy having an excuse to not torch for a few days, let myself think about other stuff. I'm pretty sure it won't be long until I'm longing to fire up the torch! Ain't nothing like glass melting!


Ellen said...

I think being creative is in your DNA and it has to come out some how, some way. If not - things could get ugly.
My torch, for the winter, is in the room my son has been staying in while he visits and that has really limited by time melting glass. As much as I love him and have enjoyed him being here for the holidays, well - you can see where I'm going, right?
He leaves Monday.
Sales suck though so I won't feel pressured to create. Still torch, though and maybe experiment more.

angelinabeadalina said...

See, I knew exactly where you were going with that-- pretty much the same feeling I usually have on those Monday mornings when the kiddos go back to school after a long vacation break. Gotta create, gotta make something. Have fun experimenting and playing when you get back to the torch, Ellen :)

Sharon Driscoll said...

Oh my Ang I feel a little like you're in pain, but I don't think what you're saying is going to come as any surprise to really creative people. I don't think it will scare us off from reading the post either! When you don't torch you make other creative things - your mind still creates too. When I'm at work - I draw/ doodle/ research. The creative part of you is ALWAYS there. When I am forced to take a little break I try and really just pour myself into whatever it is I'm SUPPOSED to be doing instead. Don't fret - just put away the torch and pour yourself into the house and kids. Do it for all it worth. Hell, make extra homemade meals and freeze them! When the torch comes back out you're gonna feel great and all of THAT poured out energy is going to go right back into the art. I promise!

rosebud101 said...

What Sharon said, "Ditto!" Hang in there.

angelinabeadalina said...

Good advice, Sharon. Mallory, I'll definitely be rarin' to go when we get to arrange the skype torching session!

I'm really lucky, so any "pain" I'm feeling isn't on a par with people who are having medical problems or families who have no place to live. Quite possibly, I'm not feeling pain but am instead being a pain, LOL. Having to put the torch up out of the way for a bit just came along at a time when I'm highly frustrated about the house situation... so I guess I'm in a pouty mood. Then, while cruising around some new blogs today, I ran across at least one person trying to make a living on her own by selling her art, and it struck me how lucky I am *but* that the whole economy thing still affects my creativity in a roundabout way. Ha! Add to that frame of mind a morning spent straightening some art supplies (okay, various junk and unfinished projects), and it became painfully obvious to me that I like glass waaaaaaaaaay more than any other alternatives. . .and we're right back at the point where I'm saying I'm ticked off about having to put the torch away for a few days, LOL.

P.S. Sharon, I can't wait 'til we move somewhere with enough room for a deep freeze-- I've always thought those cooking marathons would be fun!

Thanks again for the perspective, you sweet peeps!

Ramblings of a lunatic mom and lampworker said...

Cooking marathons are fun!! and extememly handy. Those homemade pre-cooked meals can be a life saver!!

I definitely get your post. When I glance in my torche's direction, I turn away guilty as charged!! It's hard to go near it right now but this creative urge in me is screaming very LOUDLY at the moment and I might need to pass on the fears and just be creative!!

The economy sucks!!
I spent +-$50's on glass which thankfully was not $100.00 and the orders will cover the other $50 spent so I can breathe a sigh of relief there.
This house situation here is driving me nutzie as well. So my sympathies in that department.

You do beautiful things with glass Ang and I cannot wait to see all your creations when that creative urge hits.


Deb said...

Ang - Right now, I know exactly how you feel.
Sounds as if you have a 'battle in ya head' too - one of the voices remaining positive, the other one being forever practical & eventually they come to an impasse....

All you can do is just keep going, the creativity will find it's own way back in. Perhaps in a different way when you are doing something else entirely.

"Waste" has been my favorite word, when it comes to glass, lately - yet the other voice knows there is no such thing.

I am forever grateful for something an ex-boss said to me when she visited not so very long ago - I've found that I think of it every day & it's what keeps me going some days. A bit long to post here - so I might just have to email you ;o)

Chin up chicky - you are woman...remember ;o)

angelinabeadalina said...

Mich, follow that creative urge and don't worry about the rest! Thanks for the house-empathy, too!

Deb, thanks for the email, and I'll reply when everyone isn't waiting on Mom to cook breakfast,etc., etc. Suffice it to say, you know I love hearing your take on things and it has already helped :) As for "wasting" glass, I have been known to heartily espouse the theory that there is no wasted glass or wasted time at the torch. Every time you torch, you learn something, you stretch your skills a bit, you grow! Even if it's one of those days where everything in the kiln has a problem that can't be fixed, the time at the torch taught me something. You know what, I'm thinking me, of all people, worrying about "wasting" glass might be 1.guilt when I know people are losing jobs, struggling to keep their house, etc. and 2. yet another convenient way to procrastinate. Hmmmm, lots to think about until I can get the torch back out.

BEADNIK (petra.janssen) said...

Oh, Angie ...

Lately I feel a bit remote-controlled myself. The financial situation is playing hard on me. Day by day I ask myself when the strength will come back to make beads again. Yesterday I saw a piece of paper on my gas bottle ... reminding me that I bought it way back in June 2008. HORROR ...!!!

Yesterday I really forced myself to make a (ONE!) bead and called it "BELIEVE". I really do hope that times will change on the financial sector and spend some time with culinary viands in the meantime ... :)

Creamy kizz,


angelinabeadalina said...

June? That's just not right, PEtra! I think I definitely understand that feeling, though. I shall think happily about "BELIEVE" and try to do the same thing when I get to torch again. Hugs, Ang