Wednesday, August 26, 2009

It's Such a Pain Being a Know-It-All

**Alternate titles to this post might include the following**

What Goes Around, Comes Around... So I Must Have Truly Been a Pain Most of My Life
Paybacks, Ang, Paybacks
I Guess Now I Know What It Feels Like ;-)
Yes, dear interwebs friends, I am a pain-in-the-butt know-it-all. Have been, all my life, at least as far back as I can remember. If you say "T.G.I.F," then I'm just as likely to point out that it's already Saturday some places in the world as I am to say "Hooray!". Can't really help it, although I am getting better at not saying aloud every single rebuttal. I think it has something to do with the fact that my children tend to be know-it-alls themselves. If there's one thing that will drive a K.I.A. up a wall, it's another K.I.A. The only thing to do is learn to curb your own K.I.A. tendencies and hope that your newfound gowiththeflow attitude is appreciated and even mimicked.
*snicker, snicker, snort, snort* I can hear the laughs from my family and friends. Okay, everyone, I didn't say I'd perfected it, just that I'm trying!
Anyway, all this is just to point out that I realize I am one of the worst knowitall offenders on the planet, so you should take the gripeyslightlygrouchybitchymaybeevencatty paragraphs that follow with a great big grain of salt. After all, if there is one thing I do almost as well as play K.I.A., it's play the ham ;-)
Oh, and before we move on to today's real ranting, here's one more little example of why I try to not take myself so seriously:
Yep, that is a picture of corned beef hash from a can, scrambled eggs, and toast. This was my breakfast the other day. . .the same day when my mother told me on the phone that she was going to have a fried spam sandwich for lunch and I instantly thought YUCK and HOW BAD FOR YOU IS THAT and then promptly went to my kitchen after our phone call ended and cooked something that was probably even worse! See what I mean? Ya gotta not take yourself too seriously!
Okay, so now for the dadgummitthatdrivesmecrazy rant, um, observations about life. Yeah, that's it, I'll just have a list of observations and maybe that will anonymously release the pent-up aggravation that's keeping me from just lightly laughing at the ridiculousness of another K.I.A. Without further hemming and hawing and trying to not mention anyone in particular, here ya go with some observations about life:
  • As soon as you think you know the answer to a problem and act on that answer, a much more reasonable but now unavailable option will clunk you right in the forehead. From this point, you can either expend a whole lot of energy contorting everything in your world to make sure your answer was right or YOU CAN PULL UP YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES AND SAY "I WAS WRONG. CAN YOU HELP ME FIX IT?" As I sit here trying to think of a humorous example, all I can tell you is that I'm sure this one must apply to me and all the times I've bumbled through a project of some sort instead of stopping and asking for help. As a matter of fact, as I type this, my brain is being bombarded with visions of my brother's triedtotellyou face. Heehee, thank you, Bubby, for all the times you've patiently tried to help me. Helllllllll, thank you to every single member of my family, I'm sure!
  • There are always exceptions to a rule but that does not mean you have to point them out every single time the rule is mentioned. Most people realize life is not a simple series of cut and dried decisions with only black or white options. . . most people understand there are shades of gray involved and don't need you to remind them of this. Oooooooooh, this is a tough one for me! I can't tolerate some one who can't tolerate shades of gray. Ooooooooooh, bite my K.I.A. tongue, bite my K.I.A. tongue. After all, not tolerating someone who can't tolerate someone else is doing the same as they are doing, right?
  • Here's one thing I have learned and try to remember to use to my advantage when it comes to telling my spouse something. You see, it turns out that we are each fairly stereotypically male/female in our areas of knowledge. When I want to suggest an answer to a typically "male" kind of problem, I now know to frame it as possible advice from another male, instead of musings of a woman who could care less about how an engine makes a car go. For example, the back door of my van once locked and would not open. Now, I know next to squat about vehicles, but I had the idea that something electrical was causing this problem-- probably because the problem showed up on the same day that plugging in my phone charger caused a great big spark. Um, but because I admittedly know next to nothing about cars, my husband pooh-poohed the idea. For a very long time, I waited for the accountant by day to have time to play grease monkey and fix the problem. Each time I asked about fuses/electrical stuff, he dismissed it as a possibility. Then, one day he fixed the van, and this is basically what he said (automotive terms may be wrong, remember I'm not a grease monkey), "Well, I fixed your van. Jim and I were looking at it, and we decided it must be a blown fuse." What the heck?? Didn't I suggest this very solution to him weeks ago?? So, here's the take home point-- now, when I want to suggest an answer to the K.I.A. grease monkey/accountant, I frame it like this, "You know, I'm sure Jim Bob would say blah, blah, blah."
  • If no one is going to be physically harmed by another K.I.A.'s mistaken postulations, then let it go. You have not been appointed by anyone to be the Great Deliverer of Corrections. For instance, if someone repeatedly says "physical" when they are talking about "fiscal," let it go unless by some strange chance that someone is the C.F.O. or C.E.O. of a huge corporation. And hey, if someone that far up the ladder has made it to where they are while saying "physical" instead of "fiscal," then do you really think you are going to change things by piping up with the correction? If a cop cuts across the "medium" to write you a ticket for speeding, are you going to be smart and not comment, or are you going to be a stupid K.I.A. and mention that he surprised you by whipping across the median so quickly? If it's not going to hurt someone, bite your tongue-- you don't need the extra drama or responsibility of being the corrector of all things wrong.
  • JUST SAY NO TO SNOPES, or at least keep the link to yourself. Nobody really believes those stupid email stories are real. We know they were made up-- but there might be a good lesson or tip for living ensconced in that madeup story, so chill out and let people talk about it if they want to do so.

Bite my tongue, bite my tongue, bite my tongue. I am still sitting here shaking my head over the fact that the person who has irritated me always has to be right, no matter how trivial the information in question. . . I want to just let it slide right on by me, because it really is something trivial, because I'm not around this person enough for it to be worth my time (or theirs) to hash this out, because it's petty of me to care one way or the other. Smack my fingers, bite my tongue, don't let me write Would you please stop feeling the need to contradict almost everything I say to you, because let's face it, sometimes YOU ARE WRONG. Oops. Sorry, the know it all thing is really, really, really hard to change in my personality.


rosebud101 said...

Great post, Ang, from KIA to another KIA.

Deb said...

lol Ang. Great post!

I feel all of your frustrations & then some intensely.
Recently I read a phrase that resounded with me "It is better to be kind, than to be right" ( it is also a lot more difficult...ask me how I know!).

Now I just have to practise the art of shutting up & making it ok for others to be wrong (but how then do we save them the embarrassment of perhaps being wrong publicly)...on small matters at least.
However I reserve the right to categorize what constitutes 'small', I'm thinking that van doors that remained locked for indefinite periods aren't in that category......