- "...and candlesticks always make a good wedding present."
- "I'm just happy to be here, and I hope I can help the club."
- "The rose goes in the front, big guy."
Who hasn't cried, listening to Louis Armstrong's voice serenely belting out "What a Wonderful World" while a montage of scenes of young men arriving in Vietnam flows across the bleary screen?
Who hasn't just about peed their pants while watching Nicholas Cage's bumbling robbery of a pack of diapers from the convenience store? Son, you got a panty (say that with a long "a" sound, paaaaaaaanty) on your head.
Oh, and the heroines to be admired. Angela Bassett and I probably share only our first names, but every time I watched her I could feel her confidence pumping mine up just a bit. Geena Davis in The Long Kiss Goodnight might not have done her best acting, but her character was surely the epitomy of kickbuttwomanhood. Susan Sarandon, well, what's not to say? Talk about a strong minded, smart woman. You know what I realized as I stacked these videos in a box and vaguely remembered scenes and lines? I always wanted to be those girls. . . just never worked out. The year I wanted to be as tough and cool as Kelly McGillis was the same year I got a short haircut and looked like Tom Cruise. Yep, instead of a kickbutt heroine, I think I must resemble a frazzled Ralphie's mom. . . you don't remember her, do you? Nah, that's what I thought. Took me a minute to recall her, too. It's okay. I've always been pretty nondescript, always more likely to be mistaken for Ferris Bueller's sister than for Patrick Swayze's dance partner. I'll tell you one thing about not being the gorgeous heroine, though . . . there will come a day (hmm, probably in your forties) when you will be quite happy with the woman you've become, no matter which movie character her facade resembles.
So, relax, let's have some fun out here. This game's fun, okay? Fun, goddammit. And don't hold the ball so hard. It's an egg, got it? Hold it like an egg.